My whole world has changed

Life has a way of taking you by surprise. Especially when you like to 'be in charge' and 'plan everything.'

Avery was due June 21. She decided that April 9 was much better. ( I think she was just insistent on being an Aries. )  She spent 47 days in the NICU at Women's Hospital in Greensboro, but she has no medical issues. Praise God!  All of her follow-up appointments have gone beautifully and all of her doctors are very pleased with her progress.

She has been an absolute blessing to our lives.

We are still searching for a bigger home so that we can all be comfortable :-)

Josh has been getting some more calls about IT jobs, so we're hoping and praying that something comes through.

I'm struggling with going back to work, but for now, I have no choice.

Oh, goodness, it's been a LONG time.....


So, since my last post:

-pregnant again! :-D Our little girl is doing wonderfully and is due just shy of 11 months after her brother was due.

-Josh has a job that is tough, but he enjoys it. :-)

-we're trying to find a 3 bedroom home to move into before Avery gets here.

-we're buying a car from Josh's parents

-life, despite the ups and downs, is exactly the way I want it to be.

-Josh and I are stronger than ever, with a bond I always dreamed of.

:-)

So, it's been a little while.....

Life has been crazy to say the least.  I'm slowly dealing with the loss of our son. We're starting group sessions this week and I'm really hoping that helps me.
Work has been a major source of stress for a while now and I've been trying to find a way out.  Tonight, a friend from church (who knew nothing about my work issues) sent me a message about a job opportunity. I jumped on it and now, it's just 'wait and see'. I know that there's something better out there for me. Maybe this is it, maybe it isn't....
Every other facet of life is spectacular. I love my little family with all of my heart. They see me through every rough patch I face.

Closing doors and opening windows

Life can change in the blink of an eye...even when you're expecting it.
The loss of a job is usually cause for panic and concern, but we're doing ok. Neither of us feels scared or worried. We know that everything happens for a reason. God doesn't close a door without opening a window of opportunity. We are strong in our faith, in our relationship and in our dedication to pursuing God's purpose behind it all.
I pray that it doesn't take long to find something else to provide for our family. But, at the same time, I trust that everything will work out to God's purpose and in God's timing. Until we understand it, we will take it in stride.

Moving forward and looking back

It seems that life is moving forward...like it or not. Except, for the most part, I'm 100% ready to move on. Packing things that aren't mine to make room for things that are. Taking things out of storage that I haven't seen in months feels really good. Having a place to call 'home' feels even better. Sharing that home with the man I've loved for more than 15 years....the best feeling ever.

Look back....the last 15 months have been a whirlwind of emotion and events. Finally deciding that my marriage was over, taking the steps to convey that to my husband *sigh*, reconnecting with my high-school sweetheart, supporting each other through life's events, moving out of my apartment, feeling like life was leaving me in the dust....yeah, it's been quite a ride. A pregnancy that I had been told would never happen, followed by a miscarriage that tore my heart in two. Divorce papers being signed....life has a way of making you happy and sad all at the same time.

Now, today, this moment...I am happier than I have ever been. And for that, Lord, I say thank you.

slowly....

For the most part, on most days, life seems to be getting back to normal. I have moments that come on like a flood, I suppose I always will. I'm getting to a point where I can speak Conner's name and talk about him without completely falling apart.

The hardest moments are the quiet ones...when I used to feel him move; the rides home from work...when I would talk or sing to him; the sleepless nights....when I would just lie there with my hand over him, sending all the love I could.

Work has been hard and therapy all at the same time. Seeing those little smiling faces helps, most days. There are times when it's completely heartbreaking and I have to take a step back to regain myself.

I hope and pray that I get another chance to be a mother. It's the one thing in life that I've always wanted and have yet to accomplish.

Recent History

Conner's service was March 31st. It went well and we held up fairly well, all things considered. It was great to have love and support from friends and family.

Rough week at work: physically and emotionally. But, it was only 4 days, so I survived. Being the only teacher in the room is seriously starting to take it's toll on me in every way.

Josh and Carly seem to have resolved some of their disputes, thank God. I'm hoping that, after a few loose ends are tied up, we can all move ahead in life.
We have plans for the house, for ourselves and for our future. I already feel a greater sense of peace.